A camera comes out and your shoulders lift. You may hold your face still, step to the back or find a reason to leave. Not liking photos of yourself is a real discomfort, and it does not need a reason or a fix. These six tools are for the moment of the camera and the time afterwards. They are optional, and you are allowed to say no to any photo.
If you have a clinician’s plan for body image, meals, exercise, mirror use or medical monitoring, follow that plan first. These tools are not a reason to skip care, delay eating or make up for a meal. Choose a seated alternative to a walk if your activity plan does not allow it.
1. Decide your terms
You can choose when you are photographed, and by whom. You might say, “I would rather not be in this one,” or “Take it quickly, then please delete the ones I do not like.” You can ask for a say over where the photo is shared. These are reasonable requests.
2. Feel your feet
Before the camera comes up, press your feet into the floor and notice where you are held. Grounding gives your attention a steady place, so it is not all on how you look. Keep it quiet. It takes a second.
3. Turn your attention outward
Look at the person you are with, a joke, the setting, or the thing you are celebrating. Orienting can bring you into the room. A photo taken while you are busy looking at something may feel less posed.
4. Move a little
Stand up and stretch, shift your weight, or walk to another spot before the photo. If you have been holding still, letting your body move gently can help. Keep it ordinary and safe, with your eyes open.
5. Let it be a quick one
A single photo, taken quickly, is a complete photo. You can say, “One and done,” and step away. You do not have to take ten tries until it looks right.
6. Treat the aftermath with care
If you see a photo of yourself and feel a sinking feeling, you can look away from the screen, put the phone down and do something ordinary. You do not need to decide what the photo says about you. A walk or a chat with a friend can help you move on. You can ask the person to delete it.
What a photo shows
A photo is a single still moment taken from one angle in one light, and it is not a verdict on you or a full picture of who you are. You do not have to like it. You can also decide to look at photos of other things for a while.
Group photos
In a group photo you might stand at the side, hold something, or sit. You can say, “I will take it,” and be the one behind the camera. If you do not want to be in a photo, you can say no, and you do not have to explain.
Looking after your attention
If you spend a long time looking at photos of yourself, comparing or deleting, you could set a short limit for yourself, or turn off the front-facing camera. Edit what helps and leave the rest.
Photos you did not choose
If someone has posted a photo of you that you dislike, you can ask them to take it down or untag you. You can say, “I do not like that one. Could you remove it?” You are allowed to ask, and you do not have to explain why. For photos taken of you without your agreement, you can say no and ask for them to be deleted.
Choosing photos you like
If you want photos of yourself, for a profile or a family album, you can choose the setting, the person with the camera, the time of day and the clothes you feel at ease in. You might prefer a walk-and-talk shoot, a photo with a friend, or a photo while you do something you like. You can ask for a short session and a quick check, and you can stop when you want to.
When it is more than camera shyness
If thoughts about how you look take up a lot of your day, if you avoid eating, going out or seeing people because of your body or appearance, or if you are worried about how you eat or exercise, talk to a doctor or therapist. The NHS eating disorders overview (https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/) lists spending a lot of time worrying about your weight and body shape among the symptoms, and says to see a GP, meaning your doctor, as soon as you can if you think you may have an eating disorder. You can ask for help now. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, contact a crisis line or your local emergency number.
Related: gym mirrors and body image.
