The lump in the throat in a meeting. The prickle behind the eyes on a train. Tears can arrive in places where you would rather they did not. These six practices are for the moment when you feel tears coming. They are optional, they do not guarantee that you will not cry, and crying is not a failure.
1. Let yourself feel your feet
Press your feet into the floor and notice your seat. Grounding gives your attention somewhere steady while the feeling rises. Nobody can see you do it, and you can do it standing, sitting or walking.
2. Look at something specific
Let your eyes rest on one thing: a clock, a plant, the pattern on a wall. Orienting to the room can shift your attention for a moment. Looking away from a person’s face can give you a breather, and it is a normal thing to do.
3. Let one breath out slowly
A single slow exhale can be a small pause. It is optional and uncounted. If breath focus makes you more tense, skip it, and stop if you feel dizzy. Ordinary breathing is fine.
4. Take a break, if you can
Say, “Excuse me for a moment,” and step out. A bathroom, a corridor or a staircase can be enough. Splash water on your hands or take a few minutes. If you cannot leave, you could take a sip of water or look down at your notes.
5. Let the tears come if they come
You are allowed to cry. If tears arrive, you can let them, dab your eyes and carry on or take a break. You might say, “Sorry, this is a hard subject. Give me a moment.” You can decide how much to explain.
6. Be kind to yourself afterwards
Afterwards, you can drink some water, wash your face and give yourself a minute. You might use self-contact, such as a hand on your arm, if you like it. Avoid replaying how it looked. If you want to talk to someone, do.
Planning ahead
If you know a situation is likely to be emotional, such as a funeral, a difficult review or a goodbye, a bit of planning can help. You could:
- bring tissues and a bottle of water
- choose a seat near the door
- tell a friend or colleague that it may be hard
- plan a quiet break afterwards
- allow extra time so you are not rushed
You do not need to hold back all the time. The aim is to feel prepared, whatever happens.
At work
Crying at work can feel embarrassing, and you may want a plan for it. You can say, “I am a bit emotional today,” and keep it short. If you want to leave, you can ask for five minutes. If this keeps happening, you might talk to someone you trust at work or your doctor, especially if work itself is the source.
In front of people you care about
Tears in front of a friend or partner are a different situation from tears in front of strangers. You can say what is happening: “I am not upset with you. I am just feeling a lot.” You can also ask for what you need: “Can you just sit with me for a moment?”
When crying keeps happening
If crying keeps happening, feels out of your control, or comes with low mood, sleep problems or hopelessness, talk to a doctor or therapist. You can ask for help at any point. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, contact a crisis line or your local emergency number.
You do not have to explain
If someone asks if you are okay, you can say, “I am fine, just a moment,” or “I am having a hard day.” You do not owe anyone the whole story. If you want to share, share as much as you like.
A note on stopping tears
Some tips online suggest tricks to force tears back, such as pinching yourself or staring without blinking. None of those are needed here, and they may not help. The practices above are about steadying yourself and giving yourself options. If tears fall anyway, nothing has gone wrong.
If you are walking or on the move
If you are on foot, keep your eyes open and your attention on the path, and slow down or step to the side if your eyes blur. If you are driving, do not use any practice here. Pull over somewhere parked safely off the road, and wait until you can see clearly. A red light does not count as parked.
After a hard moment
Later in the day, you could check in with yourself: have you eaten, had water, had a rest? You could tell someone, “I nearly cried at the meeting today.” A short talk can be enough. If a particular place or person keeps bringing on tears, you might think about whether something needs to change there, and who could help with that.
Related: a daily somatic routine.
