After birth, your body can feel unfamiliar, and you may be running on very little sleep. These six practices are gentle, short and sized for life with a newborn. None of them need to be done, and none replace the care of your doctor, midwife or health visitor.
1. Start with the hand, not the mirror
Before any assessment of how the body looks, place a warm hand on your belly or chest and simply feel: warmth, weight, breath moving. Self-contact takes thirty seconds and can be done one-handed while feeding.
If your body feels sore, swollen or tender, use a lighter touch or place your hand on a different area, such as your forearm. If touch feels unwelcome, skip this one and try the feet instead. There is no right way for the body to feel after birth.
2. Take a few slow breaths
Many new mothers stay on alert. When the baby is safe and someone else is watching, or during a settled feed, take three long exhales and let your shoulders drop. Stop if you feel dizzy.
Keep it easy. There is no need to count, and no need to do it if it makes you more anxious. You can also just notice a breath or two as it is. If you have had a caesarean or have other pain, keep it gentle.
3. Re-meet your feet
Standing, and rocking a baby counts, press your feet down and find the ground again. Grounding through the feet takes thirty seconds.
If you feel dizzy or light-headed when you stand up, sit down and tell your doctor or midwife. Wear shoes or slippers that grip, especially at night when you are tired and carrying the baby.
4. Let tears come
If tears or a low mood come, you can let them be without judging yourself. Track where you feel it, if you feel it anywhere. Many new mothers feel weepy in the first days and weeks. If low mood lasts or gets worse, see the note at the end.
You might say to yourself, “This is a lot.” Tell someone how you are, even in a few words. If you are not sure whether what you feel is normal, ask your midwife or health visitor. That is what they are there for.
5. Move for sensation, not for "back"
When movement returns, with your doctor’s clearance, let it be about feeling good, not getting back. A slow walk or another gentle movement included in your clinician’s advice may suit you. Do not use an exercise while holding the baby; arrange appropriate supervision and keep your own balance and recovery restrictions in mind.
Your doctor or midwife will tell you when it is appropriate to start exercising and what kind, especially after a caesarean or a difficult birth. Stop and speak to them if you have pain, heavy bleeding or anything that worries you. Comparing yourself with other mothers does not help.
6. Ask for the specific thing
“Hold her for twenty minutes so I can shower” is a complete and askable request. Specific requests are easier to say yes to than general offers. You may or may not feel guilt when asking. Before a shower or rest, check that a capable person has safely taken over the care your baby needs.
Other specific requests: “Bring a meal on Thursday,” “Take the baby for a walk while I nap,” “Fold this basket of laundry.” Keep a short list on the fridge so that when someone says “let me know if you need anything,” you can point to it.
Rest in fragments
Sleep arrives in pieces. If you can, sleep when the baby sleeps, or ask someone else to take a feed so you get a longer stretch. Lie down even if you do not sleep. Dim light, a warm drink and a few minutes of quiet may help. Perfect rest is not available right now, and fragments still count.
Looking after the basics
Eat regular meals and drink water, especially if you are breastfeeding. Keep snacks within reach of the place where you feed. If you have pain, bleeding, fever or other symptoms you are not sure about, contact your midwife, health visitor or doctor. Do not wait for your routine check. Tell your midwife, health visitor or doctor straight away about pain, swelling or redness in one calf, chest pain or difficulty breathing, a high temperature with a sore, tender tummy, a headache with changes in vision or vomiting, or sudden or very heavy bleeding, possibly with feeling faint. Call your local emergency number if your bleeding is sudden and very heavy, or if you have bleeding and feel faint, dizzy or have a pounding heart. Also call it for sudden difficulty breathing, pain in the chest or upper back, a very fast heartbeat, or if someone has passed out. Speak to your midwife, health visitor or doctor if bleeding gets heavier or does not ease, has clots or smells unusual, or comes with a temperature over 38C, tummy pain that gets worse, or perineal pain that gets worse.
Talking to someone
Many new mothers feel isolated. A friend, a family member, a parent group or a helpline can help. Say what you actually feel, not what you think you should. You are not being a bad mother by saying it is hard.
If the darkness is more than tiredness
Feeling persistently low, detached from the baby, or anxious for more than 2 weeks after the birth, or getting worse, deserves prompt professional support: tell your doctor, midwife, or health visitor. Unwanted intrusive thoughts can be frightening. You can discuss them with a professional without judging yourself; do not try to determine your risk from a self-help article. Seek professional help promptly so your needs and safety can be assessed. Some situations cannot wait for an appointment: if you have thoughts of harming yourself or the baby, feel you might act on them, or feel unable to keep yourself or your baby safe, treat it as an emergency. Contact your local emergency number or a crisis line now, and stay with someone you trust until help is with you. You do not need to manage this alone.
Related: somatic rest practice for the fragments of rest you do get.
