A serious meeting, a funeral, a hard conversation, and a laugh slips out. It can feel mortifying. You may worry that it says something bad about you. Laughter can come up in moments of tension, surprise or embarrassment, and it does not have to mean that you do not care. These five practices are for the moment itself and the time just after. They are optional, and they will not guarantee that you stay silent.
1. Feel your feet and your seat
When you feel a laugh rising, press your feet gently into the floor. Grounding gives your attention a steady place to rest while the moment passes. It is quiet and no one needs to see it.
2. Look at one plain thing
Let your eyes rest on something dull: the carpet, the table edge, a notebook. Orienting to the room for a few seconds can change where your attention is. If looking at a particular person makes the laugh worse, look elsewhere for a moment, as long as it is safe and polite to do so.
3. Let your breath be ordinary
You do not need to do anything special with your breath. If you like, you can let one exhale out slowly, uncounted. Skip it if breath focus makes you tense, and stop if you feel dizzy. Ordinary breathing is the alternative.
4. Take a short break
You can say, “Excuse me a moment,” and step out. A corridor or bathroom is enough. If you cannot leave, take a sip of water, look down at your notes or cough lightly. Give yourself permission to return when you are ready.
5. Say it plainly, if you need to
If a laugh did escape, you can say, “Sorry, that was nerves, I did not mean any disrespect.” Say it once, briefly, and let it be. If the setting is a funeral or a conversation with someone who is hurting, you might say it privately afterwards. You do not have to explain more than you want to.
It does not have to mean anything
Laughter can come with surprise, awkwardness, embarrassment and relief as well as with something funny. Your body can respond in a way that does not match the setting, and the response does not tell you what you think or feel.
A laugh at the wrong moment is not proof of a hidden feeling, and it is not a verdict on your character. You may feel embarrassed, and that is understandable. Try not to replay it for the rest of the day. If you have said what you needed to say, you can leave it there.
If you are with someone who is grieving
If you laughed near a grieving person, a short, kind note can help: “I am sorry. I laughed when I was nervous. I am thinking of you.” Then focus on being present for them. If you are the grieving person and someone else laughed, you can decide whether to say anything, and you can ask for space.
Planning ahead
If you know an occasion may be tense, you could plan a little:
- sit near an exit
- bring water
- have a phrase ready, such as “Excuse me a moment”
- agree on a quiet sign with a friend if you want one
When laughing is hard to control
If laughing or crying happens in ways you cannot control, or does not match how you feel, or if it started suddenly, speak to a doctor. A doctor can look at it with you. Do not stop a prescribed medicine without medical advice.
After the moment
Later, you might drink some water, take a walk and let your body settle. Keep your eyes open and your attention on the path. You could tell a friend what happened. Many things can set off a laugh, and you can treat it with the same kindness you would offer a friend.
If you are the one who is leading
If you are chairing a meeting or leading a service and a laugh escapes, you can pause, take a sip of water and carry on. A short, calm sentence is enough. You can let the group know you are ready to continue.
If you notice shame
Shame can arrive quickly after an embarrassing moment. You can say to yourself, “That was an awkward moment, and I am still a decent person.” If shame is sticking around and affecting your days, consider talking to a therapist.
Related: a daily somatic routine.
