Some moments are too much, and they do not schedule themselves for when support is available. Self-holding means placing your own hands on your body. These six forms of it are for the nights, the news, and the waves.
1. The hand on the heart
One warm hand flat on the chest, over the heart. Breathe slowly and feel the hand move with the breath. It takes about thirty seconds and can be done in public. Self-contact is optional; leave your hands elsewhere if touch feels uncomfortable.
2. The full self-hug
Arms wrapped around yourself, hands on opposite shoulders or arms, a gentle squeeze – then rock slightly if it helps.
3. The hand on the belly
For the knotted-stomach moments: one or both hands warm on the belly, breath moving under them. Many people feel worry in the stomach, and a warm hand there can be comforting. Skip this if it is uncomfortable, and if you have belly pain, get medical advice.
4. The face hold
Hands cupped over the eyes or cradling the face – shutting out input while being held. Some people find it helps with overwhelm. Press only lightly on the eyes, if at all.
5. The weighted stillness
When holding is not enough, be held by weight: a heavy blanket, cushions piled on the torso, lying under something with heft. Some people find deep pressure calming. Keep your face and breathing clear, and do not use heavy weight on children or on anyone who cannot move it off easily.
6. The words that go with the holding
Physical holding pairs with one quiet sentence – “this is hard, and I am here.” Say it internally while holding yourself, and notice whether it helps.
When self-holding is not enough
If the hard moments are frequent, escalating, or include thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out: a crisis line, a therapist, your doctor. Support from other people matters. If you are in danger of acting on thoughts of harming yourself, contact your local emergency number or crisis line now. Co-regulation means settling alongside another person.
Related: the somatic containment exercise.
