You catch your reflection and something tightens. Making peace with it does not mean loving it or deciding you look a certain way. It might mean being able to glance in the mirror and carry on. These six tools are for that kind of peace. They are optional, they do not require positive thinking, and they are not a treatment for how you feel.
If you have a therapist’s mirror or body-image plan, or required medical monitoring, follow that plan. These tools are not exposure instructions or new checking rules.
1. Start with the room
Before you look, let your eyes move round the bathroom or the room. Orienting brings your attention to the space, so that the mirror is one thing among many. You can name a few things: “tap, towel, window.”
2. Feel your feet
Press your feet into the floor and notice where you are held. Grounding gives your attention somewhere steady while you look. You can keep this going the whole time, and it does not show.
3. Take a short, neutral look
You can look for a few seconds and describe what you see in plain terms: “brown eyes, a blue shirt, hair that needs a comb.” You do not have to say anything nice, and you do not have to say anything harsh. Neutral is a fair place to be. Then look away.
4. Notice something your body does
If it feels useful, notice one thing your body does, without having to prove its value through ability or appearance. You might say, “My hands made breakfast this morning.” This is optional, and it is not a trick to feel better. You can skip it.
5. Use words you could say to a friend
If a harsh thought arrives, you can ask what you would say to a friend who said it about themselves. You might say, “That sounds like a hard day.” You do not have to believe a kind sentence for it to be worth saying.
6. Take a break from the mirror when you need one
If looking is too much today, you can skip it. You can use the mirror only to get ready. You can also look at yourself in other ways, such as in photos with people you care about. Peace can come in small amounts and in gaps.
Breath
You do not need to do anything with your breath. If you like, let one exhale out slowly, uncounted. Skip it if you are anxious, and stop if you feel dizzy. Ordinary breathing is the alternative.
A two-minute version
If you only have two minutes, look at the room for ten seconds, feel your feet for ten seconds, take one neutral look, and then look away and do the next thing in your day. You can repeat it on another day, or not at all.
What peace could look like
It might look like glancing in the mirror before work and carrying on. It might mean not checking again. It might be seeing a photo of yourself and not feeling a sinking in your stomach, or being able to say, “That is what I look like, and it is fine.” You can decide what peace means for you, and it may change.
Other people’s words
Remarks from other people about how you look can stay with you. You can notice them and decide whether they are useful. You do not have to accept them. If someone repeatedly comments on your body and it hurts, you can tell them to stop, and ask for support from someone you trust.
When it is hard to be at peace
If thoughts about your appearance take up a lot of your day, distress you, or lead you to avoid eating, going out or seeing people, talk to a doctor or therapist. You can ask at any point. The NHS eating disorders overview (https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/) says to see a GP, meaning your doctor, as soon as you can if you think you may have an eating disorder, and it lists worrying about your weight and body shape, avoiding socialising when food is involved, and very strict food habits among the symptoms. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, contact a crisis line or your local emergency number.
Where a walk fits
A short walk can be one way to move from the mirror to the day, if your clinical activity plan allows it. Keep your eyes open and your attention on your surroundings. Do not use it to delay eating or make up for a meal, and follow your meal and exercise plans. You can note the weather, sounds or faces of the street. Keep it easy, and stop if you need to.
