The flight is booked, the out-of-office is on, and still your mind keeps drifting to the inbox. For some people time off comes with guilt: I should be doing something, I should be grateful, I should have saved the money. These five tools are for noticing that and making a little room for the holiday. They are optional, and they do not promise that you will relax.
1. Mark the start of the holiday
Work can have a clear end, and holidays may not. You might create a small ritual: close the laptop, say “I am off now,” and put it out of sight. Decide how and whether you will check messages, and tell your team. A clear edge gives you something definite to stay inside.
2. Notice the guilt without arguing
When the guilty thought arrives, “I should be working,” you can notice it and name it: “that is guilt.” You do not have to prove it wrong. Feel your feet or your seat for a moment, and then come back to what you were doing. The thought may come again, and you can notice it again.
3. Rest on purpose, in small pieces
If doing nothing feels uncomfortable, start with short pauses: ten minutes on a bench, a book by the pool, a slow walk. Let the rest be part of the plan and not what is left over. If you share the holiday with others, tell them when you need a quiet half hour.
4. Put your attention on where you are
Look around: the light, the sounds, the food on the table. Orienting can bring your attention back to where you are. If you are eating, take the first few bites with attention to taste. This is not meant to make you feel any particular way. It gives you something other than the guilt to look at.
5. Talk about the guilt, if you want to
You might say to a friend or partner, “I find it hard to switch off.” They may feel the same, or may have ideas. If you are travelling with children or family, you can agree on what each person needs from the trip: time alone, time together, a day with no plan. If someone needs supervision, arrange cover before you take time alone or read by the pool. Do not do any practice while you are actively supervising anyone around water.
Practical steps before you go
Some guilt has a practical cause. A few steps may help:
- Finish what is urgent, and write a short handover.
- Set an out-of-office that says who to contact.
- Choose a check-in time, if you must have one, and keep it short.
- Delete work apps from your phone, or silence them, if that is possible.
- Plan one thing you look forward to on each day.
If you are on call or have urgent duties, confirm that someone has taken over before you switch off, and keep any required contact active until that cover is in place.
Money and guilt
Spending money on a holiday can bring guilt of its own. You can decide in advance what you are comfortable spending, and then stick to that figure. If money is tight, a holiday does not have to be far or costly: a few days at home with a plan can still be a break. If you are worried about money, practices for money stress may help.
When others are working or struggling
Sometimes guilt comes from knowing that other people are not on holiday, or that something difficult is happening at home. You can care about that and still take a break. If a family member needs support, arrange it before you leave. Confirm that any necessary care, medicines and monitoring are covered before you go. You do not have to feel the same as everyone else.
If you cannot settle
If you still cannot relax after a few days, you might change something: a walk each morning, a different place, a plan to see a friend. If you feel anxious, low or unable to enjoy anything for much of the trip, get help from a doctor or therapist where you are, and do not wait until you return home. If you are in a safety crisis while away, contact a crisis line or the local emergency number.
Coming back
Plan a gentle first day back: no meetings, a short list, time to catch up. Tell a colleague you will be catching up, and keep your first day lighter if you can. You might write down one thing you enjoyed so that you can remember it.
Related: a daily somatic routine.
